The Dream May Not Feel Safe In Your Body
You know when you want something so badly, and then when the opportunity comes you freeze or do something to blow it?
Emily Fletcher, from Ziva Meditation, shared in her newsletters some thoughts that I have coached clients and members of my Financial Freedom for Creatives through but perhaps never shared it in quite this way on my blog.
She writes:
“The more I cared about an audition when I was in my Broadway days, the more likely I was to stay out late the night before or not prepare.”
Here’s why that happens - the dream doesn’t feel safe in your body.
If the dream doesn’t feel safe, then when the opportunity shows up you will consciously or subconsciously sabotage. I’ve seen this over and over again with clients, member-students and in the past, even with myself.
“What if I bomb? What if I can’t handle it? What will other people think?”
So instead of our default being:
“I'm too old.”
“I'm not smart enough.”
“I don't have enough money.”
We can instead start to embody the dream from a place of love and safety in the body.
Wouldn't you rather be in a state of ecstatic pleasure so that when you think about your dreams, they create joy instead of fear and overwhelm?
When it comes to money, does manifesting, making more or just thinking and talking about money ever make you feel guilty or selfish or just icky?
For example, do you ever think, “Who am I to manifest more joy, more money or my creative dreams when there is so much suffering on the planet? Or who am I to attract a dream partner when my best friend has been single forever?”
Are you seriously going to land your dream job when there are other people out there who are unemployed and have been looking for work longer than you?
I sometimes even hear from clients or members that they don’t want to apply for unemployment because they’re “OK” right now and there are people out there who need it more! And I usually say to them – it’s YOUR money! You’ve been paying into it, so you should take it!
Now, I want you to close your eyes and ask yourself this question: “Who am I to want all these things (i.e. more money, more love, more happiness)?” Whatever comes up, sit with it.
Then, I want you to ask yourself, “Who am I to not want all of these things?” Whatever comes up, sit with it.
Now imagine – What if stepping into your greatness inspires others to do the same?
What if calling in the things that will serve your highest purpose will help you share your gifts?
This is the mental framework I want us all to start practicing, but I get it. It can be scary.
When you dream big, it can stir up all sorts of fear about what you believe you deserve.
It can lead to thoughts like, “Who am I to want this? What will people say if they know my dream?” Or worse… “What if it doesn’t happen?”
According to Freud’s theory of defense mechanisms and a study by Psychological Science, people often use strategies like denial and rationalization to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions—like the fear of disappointment.
This can lead to self-sabotage, decision paralysis, or avoiding goal-setting altogether. In this context, not knowing what you want may serve as a way to protect yourself from the risk of failure.
But as the saying goes, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
You might think you don’t know what you want, but what’s really happening is this:
Your brain is protecting you from the pain of potential failure.
So we stay small and tell ourselves we don’t know what we truly want.
But here’s why this NEEDS to change for you:
When you name and claim your desires, you stop reacting to life and start designing your reality. Instead of responding to the curveballs life throws at you, you can take inspired action that moves you toward the life and world you’d love to live in.
And when you live a purposeful life, you inspire others to do the same.
So, how do you do this?
You need a practice that helps you drop into deep coherence, so you feel safe in your body. It’s why I became certified as a trauma-informed coach.
The good news is, when you learn how to visualize and do the work (audition, try out, interview, pitch, or just create) from a place of clarity and safety, you’ll feel good enough in your body to courageously name and claim your desires.
So today I have a challenge for you. Find a moment in your day, get out your journal, and take some time to reflect on these questions:
What is one dream or goal you haven’t pursued because you felt guilty or undeserving? (Some ways to tell – feeling like you’re not ready yet, procrastinating the next steps or not reaching out to people to help you with fundraising, referrals or job opportunities.)
Imagine a world where achieving this dream not only benefits you but also inspires and uplifts those around you. What would that world look like?
List three ways in which pursuing your desires can serve not only you, but also your community, loved ones, or even the world at large.
I also have an invitation for you: Next time you feel tears welling up in your eyes, let them flow. Next time you feel angry can you excuse yourself and punch a pillow or do a silent scream? What about playing one song that turns up the volume on that feeling so you can allow it to be felt?
Try it for one week and see if you don’t feel a bit lighter. Notice if you start to experience more serendipity. Even interrupting the pattern a few times can make big shifts in your reality. The more you trust yourself to feel it all the bigger you will allow yourself to dream.
With Love & Gratitude,
I am planning a free workshop soon on creating safety in our body in order to make more money and create the life of your dreams. Interested? Subscribe below, and you’ll be the first to get invited!