Sold for Survival: Alice’s Inferno
Back in October 2024, I did a talk for the SPEAK organization. It was the first time I had ever had to write and memorize a talk. Most of the time, when I’m speaking to an audience, I just have an outline. I intuitively work with the energy of the audience, while speaking on topics centered around financial wellness and money blocks. However, this time, I was one of 10 speakers chosen to share a short story that highlighted the strength, resilience, and beauty of women’s lives and to celebrate womanhood, femininity, and the powerful impact women have on our lives.
The story I shared is a very personal one. I am a trauma informed financial wellness coach because of three women in my life who stayed in abusive situations because of money, and having to take care of young children. This is the story of one of those women. (Since this is a blog, I wanted to share what I wrote and memorized. The video is at the bottom, if you want to watch it too.)
I had never seen horror depicted in the flesh until I met the burned, scarred body of my Aunt “Alice” when I was 16 years old.
While heartbreak and pain seemed to be what drove Alice to set herself on fire, it was actually MONEY that burned a hole through her heart and soul.
The first moment a money decision changed Alice’s life was at the age of 14, when her father sold her into a brothel. He just dropped her off one day, telling her that she now had to help her family by working there. Being a “good” and dutiful daughter, Alice did what she was told.
Her father even tried to convince my grandfather to do the same to my mom, but my grandfather said:
“even if I was the poorest man on earth, I would never do that to my daughter.”
(This showed me how my grandfather’s values were never tied to money, and it really changed the lives of my mom and of course, me.)
My mom and Alice are really cousins but in Taiwanese culture, we call everyone 10 years older “Aunt” and “Uncle.”
Being around the same age, my mom and Alice used to hang out all the time until Alice disappeared. A year later, my mom went to find her at the brothel, but Alice was harsh with my mom and told her to never come back.
I now know that she wanted my mom to be FREE to be a child, unencumbered by the experience of trading her body for money.
The second moment a money decision changed Alice’s life was when she was 17 and met a “John” who promised her the world.
He felt different to her. He seemed sweeter, kinder, bringing her little gifts whenever he would visit. The two would talk about a future together, and it wasn't just about the transaction.
One day, John started promising Alice he would take her away from the brothel. He gave her hope that the two would get married and start a family. In this time together, she wasn't as careful as she normally would be.
Months went by, and she started to see her belly grow. It became harder and harder to hide her pregnancy, and soon, she would not be able to work. John visited less frequently, but Alice wouldn't give up her dreams. She wrote to him, begging to see him and to keep his promises.
When Alice finally had her baby girl, John stopped visiting altogether, although he would send money every now and then, keeping her hopes alive.
Five years would go by, and John stopped even sending money and her letters were getting returned one by one.
One night, out of desperation, madness or both, Alice set herself on fire.
While her flesh burned, her five-year-old daughter cried out:
"Mommy! Please don't do this. I need you."
She did not die that day, but about 90% of her body was badly burned.
When I met Alice, she had no eyebrows, no fingernails, and the burn markings still covered her body and her head. Although I was just a teenager, I tried to gently help her to understand that she had choices and could still change the course of her life. However, the fleeting moment of willingness to make changes in her life were clouded by the dark flashes of delusions still lingering behind her eyes.
Her daughter had found John years later, seeking answers for herself and for the shell of a woman that was her mother. John coldly told her that she must've found the wrong person and that he's always had a wife and children, even during the years he had "supposedly" gone to this brothel regularly.
Although Alice now knew 100% that John had lied to her all those years ago, she still couldn't help holding onto a love that she felt, a love that she knew had to exist because if it all weren't true, wouldn't that make her life a complete lie?!
Eventually, even knowing the truth did not take away her pain and longing, and she released her love, sadness and anger in the only way she knew how...by ultimately succeeding in taking her own life, this time with pills.
This was the third moment a money decision changed not only her life but her daughter’s life, as well. She waited until her daughter was old enough to get a job and take care of herself and her grandmother.
My Aunt Alice’s life began and ended tragically because of money.
If it weren't for money, Alice's father would not have sold her to a brothel.
If it weren't for the money, Alice wouldn't have held onto the hope that this man still loved her.
Now many of you don’t have such a traumatic story about money. However, I want you to think about moments in your life where you have felt stuck perhaps because of money.
It can be in the moment - snapping at your child when he or she wants a new toy, saying something you’ve heard a lot like, “Money doesn’t grow on trees!”
Or it can be a life-long decision of either putting off or completely abandoning your creative dreams because those are jobs that people say “don’t pay the bills.”
Or like my aunt Alice, have you had to do something or stay in a situation because of real or even implied family obligations or stayed in an abusive work situation or a relationship with a partner?
According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, 73 percent of women said they had stayed with an abusive partner longer than they wanted or returned to them for economic reasons.
As a child, my Aunt Alice never got the chance to make the decision to work in a brothel. Her father made a decision based on money, and a decision based solely on money leads to, at best, a short-term gain, and at its worst, it creates soul-crushing lives and perpetual generational trauma.
What I learned from my Aunt Alice is that we all may have traumas in our childhood, and yet, as adults, we now get to compassionately take a look, unearth these secrets, go through the fire as she did but instead of coming out of the fire, still clinging to the hope that someone else will rescue you, that it’s now time to do the work to rescue ourselves.
What I also learned is that instead of money creating fires in our lives, we get to create financial freedom and independence, so that we don’t have to make decisions based on money.
Finally, what I learned is to let my Aunt Alice’s life be a reminder that you and I have a choice. It doesn’t need to end tragically like my Aunt’s life. We have the choice to release generational traumas and choose what aligns with your dreams, your passions, and your values!
So today, when you get home, I want you to create a fund for yourself. Let’s call it YOUR Alice fund! So that if you ever find yourself in a horrible job or bad relationship, you have a way to walk away instead of staying stuck, going back or allowing money to set yourself and your future on fire.
My mission is to help everyone I know to make decisions NOT based on money. Instead, I want you to make decisions based on the dreams you have for yourself and for your family. Want to join me on this mission? Sign up for Money Magic Mail below and also let me know if you’d like to discuss ways I can support you in achieving your path to TRUE financial freedom.
With Love & Gratitude,
