My Husband Answers A Few Questions About Love, Marriage & Money
I’ve written a few blog posts about why I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day:
https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/dont-celebrate-valentines-day
https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/valentines
And about how I manifested my husband, what it was like to meet on the set of “The Bachelor” and how we never fight about money:
https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/manifestinglovemarriagemoney
https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/moneyandlove
https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/are-you-money-motivated
Also, here’s how we celebrated both of our birthdays last year in beautiful Montecito, Santa Barbara and the Santa Ynez Valley:
https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/4-perfect-days-in-montecito-santa-barbara-santa-ynez-valley
An interview with a relationship coach: https://www.katychenmazzara.com/blog/love-relationships-conflicts
In honor of my husband’s birthday (on February 14th) AND since February is a month where we, “commercially” celebrate love, I decided to interview my husband about love and relationships (and yes money)…
So, Michael…what do you really think of being a Valentine Baby/having your birthday on Valentine’s Day?
I guess my feelings have changed over the years on the subject of having my birthday fall on Valentines Day.. As a kid it was fun, my mom would always make me a heart shaped cake for my birthday, and throw super vibrant colored parties for me in the dead of winter in Michigan. Mom really knew how to spoil me and make that day special.
In my young adulthood… I sound like I’m 100 years old… in my 20’s and 30’s I meant to say… having my birthday on the most predictable and cliché holiday of all time was annoying more than anything. The anxiety I felt around having to conjure up a romantic date on my birthday always seemed unfair to me.
With you, though, Valentine's day is always my birthday first. I appreciate you doing that for me.
You always tell our single female friends that when a guy knows, he knows. What do you mean by that?
When you know, you know… there’s no 6 year dating courtship to figure out if you’re right for one another. Guys of a certain age, of course. They should be in their 30’s, I’m assuming, but when you know, you know. It’s brain chemistry, it’s oxytocin, it’s lust, it’s pheromones, it’s timing, it’s how much does this person obsess my thoughts?
So, if a guy is on the fence and acting cagey… then you just might have a rat.
This is somewhat self-indulgent, but when did you know you were in love with me? Or that you loved me?
You know when… it was when we first really met while on location in St. Lucia. We had deep talks, long walks, and hot tea on a chilly moonlit beach beneath thePpiton mountains. You obsessed my thoughts during that week, we had great chemistry, laughs, tears, and the timing was right.
That’s probably the biggest part of falling in love.. timing. It typically happens when you don’t see it coming, but when it does, you can’t miss it.
We met while working on a dating show called “The Bachelor.” Did you learn anything about love and relationships, while working on that show? If so, what?
It’s where I met you and fell in love, and here we are 15 years later and still together… so, I guess I learned more than most on that show.
In my eyes, I see you and the men in your family treat their wives with such love, devotion and respect, while maintaining your own masculinity and sense of self (meaning…you’re not weak and “whipped.”) How do you maintain that balance and what do you think helps you, your brother, and your cousins be this way?
All of our mothers had a strong impact on our lives growing up. We all respected the women in our families - immigrant Armenians who fled from persecution in Turkey, spent years in orphanages before being brought to the states via Cuba at the bottom of boats. They had a very strong, loving hold on our psyche, our respect, our love… .they provided traditions, routines, and expectations that you always show up and do the right thing for the family – no matter what. For our lives depend on it. Just as their lives did during the reign of the Ottomans.
When we first started dating, I asked you if you had any debts, what your credit score was, and if you had an emergency savings. Were you offended by any of these questions (you didn’t seem so...)? And do you think these are important questions to ask when you’re dating?
I was not offended…. Confused maybe, but not offended. I remember thinking you were smarter than me and I should start paying attention to what you’re actually saying to me.
Why do you think we don’t fight about money, even when we go through “seasons” where we may not be earning as much as we would like (i.e. when I started my business or during the strikes last year) or when we have accumulated some debt (i.e. home renovations, unexpected expenses)?
We are in sync most of the time, that’s why. We balance each other out. I help you with my abundance-energy when you need it, and you help me with yours when I’m in need. You help ground me when I get too practical, fear-based, or anxious, and I do the same for you.
We also have a compatible foundational value structure that helps us spend money on stuff like trips and dinners and not worry about having a Wolf range and sub-Zero refrigerators.
What do you believe about love and marriage? (I know this is a big question, but maybe let’s just narrow it down to our relationship…)
For me it’s what keeps me grounded, our love and marriage, yet it also helps me take chances and soar. I love you and honor our relationship. This feels weird since you’re asking me and I’m telling you so you can tell all of these people I don’t know… but I love you, I love having fun with you, and I hope we have many more happy years together.
The other day, you suggested to me: “Choose to be in a good mood.” It really helped me to put some things in perspective. What was your intention behind saying this?
We know each other very well and pick up on one another’s micro-expressions and I saw your body slump ever-so-slightly, and heard a quiet sigh when we parked outside an event I thought you might not be 100% comfortable entering…. So I wanted to gently nudge you, or politely encourage you to make a choice before we left the quiet of our car and entered into the chaos which awaited our arrival.
If you want to get my secrets of how NOT to fight about money and to create a harmonious relationship with your partner, when it comes to financial stuff, get my FREE gift to you -- A Couples Guide to Money! Just click below to receive this valuable guide (that I usually only share to my paid clients and members).
With Love & Gratitude,
